The Obligatory Valentines Day Rant
Feb. 17th, 2007 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
highlyeccentricrather late, i know. I was only just reminded of my intention to Rant, by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rayneshadow's Rant about People Who Rant About Valentine's Day. I'd like you all to observe her beautiful turn of phrase here:
Being single and complaining about V-Day is like being Christian and complaining about Hannukah or being American and complaining about Australia Day.
So, by this logic, I am, for the first time in my life, entitled to complain about Valentines Day. Hitherto I have successfully avoided having a boyfriend in mid-febuary, but it seemed a bit extreme to break up with the guy just so that i could smugly observe Febuary 13B on my own. So I gave Orders that we Not Do Anything. Flinn was somewhat downcast about this, but went along with it. He got his own back when, after he'd moved me into college last weekend, I said I owed him. The payback will be to submit to a date in febuary. He has allowed that I may pretend it has nothing to do with replacing Valentines Day ;).
As happens, V-day would have been just inconvenient, as we ended up having dinner with David and Sarah before she heads off to uni in Bathurst.
Anyway, not the point. My rant has nothing to do with Flinn. It has everything to do with being a Stationeer.* It has everything to do with the abysmal and appalling products on sale for Valentines Day. Fortunately we weren't selling all that much extra stock- just the cards, some *coughveryverycute* stuffed elephants and...
Red Hot Love Vouchers. As Sue put it, when asked who would have time to enact all the bizzare situations prescribed in the book of vouchers, "There's always time for red hot love."
But seriously- "an all over case of the goose pimples"? I can turn off the hot water system while you're in the shower, that's a sure way to do it.
"a never before tried romantic escapade"? never before tried because it's a bad idea perhaps?
"a replay of our first date"? Grant, on observing this one, realised that if presented with this voucher, he would be going out, getting outrageously pissed, and waking up the next morning to go "ah. i see." at the sight of his now-girlfriend. Fortunately, she's too sensible for Valentines Day.
what about "a teenage make out session- hot car, steamy windows and it doesn't have to stop there..."? Isn't the point of being Big that you don't have to do that sort of thing anymore? We have beds now, you know.
Valentines Day- Get Sexy: so read the sign above our frontmost display of cards. This display contained such gems as the 'super romantic poem about shagging'. One card, getting right to the point, declared "You show me yours and i'll show you mine." Or you could have chosen the sweet "I don't need a special day to tell you how much I love you.... but if it leads to sex, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MERRY CHRISTMAS HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY NEW YEAR MERRY ST PAT'S DAY!"
There was a cartoon, reading "oooh, Ranger Bob, that's the third time today i've had to suck snake venom from your penis.... Hope your Valentine's Day Sucks (in a good way)", and there was one of those 50s ads recaptioned to read "People felt sorry for Phillip, dining alone on Valentines Day. They didn't realise his girlfriend had been between his legs for the last ten minutes".
The first category I can sort of understand. If you have a particularly low-brow sense of humour, and/or you think Valentines Day is a load of hogwash and/or don't want to take it too seriously, they could be the way to go. Although, as Liam put it, "if all i was doing was shagging her, she wouldn't be getting a valentine's day card."
But what about the second lot? Who is supposed to give them to whom? If you think that sort of thing would make your boyfriend happy for Valentines Day, and you're inclined to oblige, wouldn't you just do it? If you weren't going to oblige, or he wasn't into that sort of thing, why would you give the card? In one case it would be mean, in the other pointless. And if you're a guy, and you wanted what Phillip was getting, the best way to achieve it would not be with a card like that. would it???
The only thing i could come up with was maybe it's some male equivalent of the Single Girl's Valentines Day Card (we had one of them, too- it said all i need is chocolate and a good book, a statement flatly contradicted by the purchasing of said card). Like a "good luck mate, hope you get some action" kind of card from your best manly buddies, or something.
All of them- Funny, perhaps, in a toilet humour kind of way. But not in the least romantic and definitely not sexy. A day for celebrating romance i can handle... a day for celebrating fucking, what's that supposed to be?
Multipe Cards: I expounded upon this phenomenom in this entry here. Grant tells me he once had a gentleman buy fifteen cards in one go (apparently it was an office ringaround, which might explain the instances i puzzled over the other day)
on the other hand... i shouldn't rant too much, as it's things like this which keep me employed ;)
*Stationeer: one who adventures with stationery.
rayneshadow's Rant about People Who Rant About Valentine's Day. I'd like you all to observe her beautiful turn of phrase here:Being single and complaining about V-Day is like being Christian and complaining about Hannukah or being American and complaining about Australia Day.
So, by this logic, I am, for the first time in my life, entitled to complain about Valentines Day. Hitherto I have successfully avoided having a boyfriend in mid-febuary, but it seemed a bit extreme to break up with the guy just so that i could smugly observe Febuary 13B on my own. So I gave Orders that we Not Do Anything. Flinn was somewhat downcast about this, but went along with it. He got his own back when, after he'd moved me into college last weekend, I said I owed him. The payback will be to submit to a date in febuary. He has allowed that I may pretend it has nothing to do with replacing Valentines Day ;).
As happens, V-day would have been just inconvenient, as we ended up having dinner with David and Sarah before she heads off to uni in Bathurst.
Anyway, not the point. My rant has nothing to do with Flinn. It has everything to do with being a Stationeer.* It has everything to do with the abysmal and appalling products on sale for Valentines Day. Fortunately we weren't selling all that much extra stock- just the cards, some *coughveryverycute* stuffed elephants and...
Red Hot Love Vouchers. As Sue put it, when asked who would have time to enact all the bizzare situations prescribed in the book of vouchers, "There's always time for red hot love."
But seriously- "an all over case of the goose pimples"? I can turn off the hot water system while you're in the shower, that's a sure way to do it.
"a never before tried romantic escapade"? never before tried because it's a bad idea perhaps?
"a replay of our first date"? Grant, on observing this one, realised that if presented with this voucher, he would be going out, getting outrageously pissed, and waking up the next morning to go "ah. i see." at the sight of his now-girlfriend. Fortunately, she's too sensible for Valentines Day.
what about "a teenage make out session- hot car, steamy windows and it doesn't have to stop there..."? Isn't the point of being Big that you don't have to do that sort of thing anymore? We have beds now, you know.
Valentines Day- Get Sexy: so read the sign above our frontmost display of cards. This display contained such gems as the 'super romantic poem about shagging'. One card, getting right to the point, declared "You show me yours and i'll show you mine." Or you could have chosen the sweet "I don't need a special day to tell you how much I love you.... but if it leads to sex, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MERRY CHRISTMAS HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY NEW YEAR MERRY ST PAT'S DAY!"
There was a cartoon, reading "oooh, Ranger Bob, that's the third time today i've had to suck snake venom from your penis.... Hope your Valentine's Day Sucks (in a good way)", and there was one of those 50s ads recaptioned to read "People felt sorry for Phillip, dining alone on Valentines Day. They didn't realise his girlfriend had been between his legs for the last ten minutes".
The first category I can sort of understand. If you have a particularly low-brow sense of humour, and/or you think Valentines Day is a load of hogwash and/or don't want to take it too seriously, they could be the way to go. Although, as Liam put it, "if all i was doing was shagging her, she wouldn't be getting a valentine's day card."
But what about the second lot? Who is supposed to give them to whom? If you think that sort of thing would make your boyfriend happy for Valentines Day, and you're inclined to oblige, wouldn't you just do it? If you weren't going to oblige, or he wasn't into that sort of thing, why would you give the card? In one case it would be mean, in the other pointless. And if you're a guy, and you wanted what Phillip was getting, the best way to achieve it would not be with a card like that. would it???
The only thing i could come up with was maybe it's some male equivalent of the Single Girl's Valentines Day Card (we had one of them, too- it said all i need is chocolate and a good book, a statement flatly contradicted by the purchasing of said card). Like a "good luck mate, hope you get some action" kind of card from your best manly buddies, or something.
All of them- Funny, perhaps, in a toilet humour kind of way. But not in the least romantic and definitely not sexy. A day for celebrating romance i can handle... a day for celebrating fucking, what's that supposed to be?
Multipe Cards: I expounded upon this phenomenom in this entry here. Grant tells me he once had a gentleman buy fifteen cards in one go (apparently it was an office ringaround, which might explain the instances i puzzled over the other day)
on the other hand... i shouldn't rant too much, as it's things like this which keep me employed ;)
*Stationeer: one who adventures with stationery.
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-21 12:29 pm (UTC)No. No it isn't. It may be like being Jewish (or anything else non-Christian) and complaining about Christmas, or Australian and complaining about the Fourth of July, but not their reverses. Hannukah and Australia Day are not forced down the throats of Christians and Americans respectively the way Valentines Day is across the Developed World. Christmas is on the same level as V-Day in terms of advertising, brainwashing, and seasonal sales. The Fourth of July isn't, but it's American, and Australia is like America 2, smothered in it's culture and whatnot. However, Australia Day is probably unheard of in America, and I think you'd be hard-pressed finding a Gentile who knew the story of Hannukah.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-22 11:23 pm (UTC)Judaism has a much higher profile in America than here. Azzy's American, so that explains *that* one.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-24 05:34 am (UTC)However, I do admit I should have been more specific about that - I wasn't still talking about America, but had shifted back to Australia. After all, I've never been to America, so how would I know?