bored with bashing the bishop? sick of spanking the monkey? why not try...

[highlyeccentric]

Beating Off The Mammoth: vb, eupehmistic. To satisfy a woman's sexual urges. origin: accidental.

the conversation went something like this... we'd been talking about pheremones and what influences sexual attraction. Apparently Robyn studied phereomones in psych, so i asked her:
me: so can you tell me- someone asked at dinner the other day- why some women get hornier when they have their period than when they're ovulating.
robyn: no!
lauren: that doesn't make much evolutionary sense...
me: well all i could think of was that if you're a woman, particularly a woman who suffers from period pain, you're obviously not going to be in a state to beat off your own mammoth. So you want to be connected with someone who can beat the mammoth off for you.
lauren: *baffled and mildly repulsed look* no... i don't think that works... no, i'm a little disturbed now.
Buzz: well, if you can't protect yourself, you want to manipulate some man into protecting you- evolutionarily speaking.
lauren: OH! you mean actual mammoths? I thought you were making some warped kind of analogy...
apparently John had thought so too. And a new phrase just entered the UCATSA vocabulary.

~

in a strange sort of co-inkydink, i went for a walk with laura and kate tonight, and we stopped in gleebooks to look at the stuffed animals. One of which was a woolly mammoth.

Comments

[laiaratoiel.livejournal.com]

I am most amused ^^

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

i'm rather amused too- although i was absolutely mortified at the time.

[niamh-sage.livejournal.com]

That's hilarious and wonderful. I am so going to use it! :D

Does that count as a Special Amy Moment, or is it a Special Amy's Friends Moment?

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

i think it's a Minor Special Amy Moment- 'cos I wasn't making my meaning explicit.

*has image of Niamh marching up to Arni and announcing that the mammoth needs attending to*

[niamh-sage.livejournal.com]

*tea fountain*

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

xD

[sea-of-tethys.livejournal.com]

*giggle* That's hilarious.

So she didn't have an answer, then? TMI, but when I've got my period, I fancy nearly every guy I see, even guys I hate, and I'm annoyed that three years of anthropology study failed to provide an explanation.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

no, no answer has yet been furnished.

maybe it's just murphy's law- 'cos you know that actually having sex would be messy and most guys wouldn't be up for it, some peverse part of you is trying to compensate?

[rxgra.livejournal.com]

If you're going with the alliteration, shouldn't it be "spanking the simian"?

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

point was, i was using existing euphemisms.

[rxgra.livejournal.com]

My point was that alliteration is fun!

[rayneshadow.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! That made me laugh. I have to say, I'd have thought you meant some sort of very very strange innuendo there too.
It's a rather disturbing mental image you know... using the euphamism "mammoth" seems to me to indicate far too much hair... and for some reason 'beating off' makes me imagine someone beating out a fire... o_O wow, I'll stop there. My mental imaging system has exploded. Thanks a lot :p

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

the, ah, woolly aspect has been considered... it was on those grounds that we decided the term didn't apply to a man's sexual urges. (not that men can't be hairy and all... but a) they have enough euphemisms anyway and b) there's always the rather disturbing 'carpet munching' allusion to be had...)

you really didn't need your mental imaging system all that much, did you?