A Tale of Someone Else's Brother
Jun. 14th, 2006 01:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
highlyeccentricMy brother hasn't done anything astoundingly amusing lately, so instead i shall regale you with the tale of Jess' Brother, Luke "Condom Boy", age 17.
says Jess, at lunch today:
my mum decided she was going to be one of these cool mothers who's totally OK with their children having sex. So she got a box of condoms and put it in the bathroom cabinet, never expecting it would get used.
Then one day she was cleaning out the bathroom, and she opened the cabinet. The box was still there, but all the condoms are gone. I'm at uni, so she knows it can't be Jessica, and that leaves Luke.
She forgets to ask him about it that afternoon. Then over the summer we're all driving to my grandma's, and I'm giving Luke shit, like "i know what you're doing luke, i know what you're up to". And mum suddenly swerves off the road and shouts Condom Boy!
mum:what happened to all the condoms, Luke?
luke: what condoms? i, i didn't know there were any condoms, i didn't use 'em, what condoms? i didn't know they were there...
jess, to us: eventually he had to explain. it turned out he'd used them all, but not with anyone else
*we all crack up laughing, except for emily*
emily: what? how... i don't get it? *we stare at her* ooooh. GUYS DO THAT? EEEEW! Your poor brother, he had to tell that to your mother? eeeeeww...
jess: so after that she calls him Condom Boy. and if we're around someone she can't say that in front of, she calls him CB. "CB, get me a packet of chips", "CB, help your grandma"...
emily: if i was a young male, and my mother was calling me condom boy, i'd be so traumatised.
jess: nah, he's not bothered. his nickname in highschool was Porno Boy.
*we all crack up laughing again*
jess: yeah, in year eight or something he got caught reading porn at school. the teacher who found him, it was a woman, she marched him up to the principal's office, with the magazine held open in front of her, so he had to walk behind her all the way. And everyone in the school saw it, to all the older kid's who didn't know his name he was just Porno Boy.
tiffany: did you have a nickname?
jess: no. i was just Porno Boy's Sister.
says Jess, at lunch today:
my mum decided she was going to be one of these cool mothers who's totally OK with their children having sex. So she got a box of condoms and put it in the bathroom cabinet, never expecting it would get used.
Then one day she was cleaning out the bathroom, and she opened the cabinet. The box was still there, but all the condoms are gone. I'm at uni, so she knows it can't be Jessica, and that leaves Luke.
She forgets to ask him about it that afternoon. Then over the summer we're all driving to my grandma's, and I'm giving Luke shit, like "i know what you're doing luke, i know what you're up to". And mum suddenly swerves off the road and shouts Condom Boy!
mum:what happened to all the condoms, Luke?
luke: what condoms? i, i didn't know there were any condoms, i didn't use 'em, what condoms? i didn't know they were there...
jess, to us: eventually he had to explain. it turned out he'd used them all, but not with anyone else
*we all crack up laughing, except for emily*
emily: what? how... i don't get it? *we stare at her* ooooh. GUYS DO THAT? EEEEW! Your poor brother, he had to tell that to your mother? eeeeeww...
jess: so after that she calls him Condom Boy. and if we're around someone she can't say that in front of, she calls him CB. "CB, get me a packet of chips", "CB, help your grandma"...
emily: if i was a young male, and my mother was calling me condom boy, i'd be so traumatised.
jess: nah, he's not bothered. his nickname in highschool was Porno Boy.
*we all crack up laughing again*
jess: yeah, in year eight or something he got caught reading porn at school. the teacher who found him, it was a woman, she marched him up to the principal's office, with the magazine held open in front of her, so he had to walk behind her all the way. And everyone in the school saw it, to all the older kid's who didn't know his name he was just Porno Boy.
tiffany: did you have a nickname?
jess: no. i was just Porno Boy's Sister.
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no subject
Date: 2006-06-15 01:44 pm (UTC)ew, and yet, how considerate.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-16 02:49 am (UTC)