Self-doubt...

[highlyeccentric]

not usually something I suffer from.

currently crippling my ability to think, work or put together a thesis proposal.

Comments

[goblinpaladin.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I say it here, publically: I love you. You will be okay.

[blackbuttoneyes.livejournal.com]

You can do eet! (encouraging vibes)

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

I have decided that my manuscript is in fact How To Be A Reformist Bishop 101.

what that means- or how to be one- i don't know, because i haven't READ THE CONTENTS. but, you know, it's a start.

[blackbuttoneyes.livejournal.com]

A start is something! Are you able to get your hands on the manuscript?

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

fascimile.

i'm scared of Rare Books.

[blackbuttoneyes.livejournal.com]

I'm squirmy just at the thought! I will likely faint when I encounter my first.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

oh, not the books themselves, they're PRETTY. it's the Rare Book Library, and the Rare Book Librarians, of which I am afwaided.

[blackbuttoneyes.livejournal.com]

Oh! I see. I always feel a bit unworthy in the presence of such Old Things.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

hah, well, mostly i work with New Things Which Are Fancy Copies of Old Things. not so intimidating.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

oh, and i sent a long and angsty email to Awesome, in defiance of all recommended modes of student-teacher relations, at around 1am.

[blackbuttoneyes.livejournal.com]

Oh I've never given that much heed. I always figure they'd be impressed to know I was up late at night worrying about medieval things =)

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

as the Wife points out, if she's stupid enough to put up with me, it's her own silly fault.

[avedaggio.livejournal.com]

Eala! I know how that goes. Inshallah, feel better soon.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

:s thanks...

[tarimanveri.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I know how that is (awful). Tea? Chocolate? Trust in what seems, from what you have to say on the intarnetz, to be your very shiny brain? Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

Have some inappropriate monk love...

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

innappropriate monk love! wooo!

[ahsavka.livejournal.com]

I think you've got it covered on snugs and chocolate, so maybe a story:

Once upon a time I /too/ wrote an undergrad thesis. In fact, this time last year I was working on it.

When I started it was comparing the propaganda of Caesar to that of Alexander the Great. I did research over the summer. I wrote 25 pages of "ok, here we go!" not-so-bad material. I was on my third or so draft of these 25 pages.

I went to a meeting, my advisors sat me down, and told me that the topic just wasn't working out.

After a summer of work. And 25 pages, which is just under the size of my biggest pre-thesis paper.

"There's too much to deal with when we're talking Alexander, so knock out Caesar. Just do propaganda and Alexander."

The number of highlighted articles on my desk relating only to Caesar? Many. Same for the number of books on Caesar as a general. All of it for naught. All of that information that I'd processed was worth less than nothing, it was an impediment, because occasionally I'd reach into the dark caverns of my brain and recollect something about ancient armies -- but was it even about Alexander's?

I laughed because the horror of it was so intense I didn't know what else to do. I went home and cried, checked all 13-15 books that were Caesar-only back into the library, and scrounged to see what information I could use of my 25 pages of labor for my new thesis.

About two pages, optimistically.

Then I went back to reading about Alexander. And I finished that thesis. I stood up and almost threw up I was so scared for my presentation, but I did that too, and even though a seemingly insurmountable disaster occurred halfway through the creation of the damn thing, I got honors. And if you really want to do it, you can too. Don't worry. It will get so much worse ... but you'll make it.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

i got a tough-love sort of email from my NotSupervisor this morning, telling me that only i can remove my head from the sand, so stop procrastinating and get to the library.

i'm hoping i'm allowed to get dressed first. going naked to rare books sounds like 13th century penance.

also, i have heard ye caesar-alexandar tale before. are you a friend of the Goblin's, or have i just read this in your journal or something?

[ahsavka.livejournal.com]

I am indeed a Goblin-friend. :D

I remember telling the tale there, too. Lots of emoticons.

I do think you are allowed to get dressed, hee. But the academic life is a lot tougher than people tell you, and it will pound your soul and you'll do a lot of work in vain, which is hard. You know all this junk already, I just figured I'd tell my horror story.

One good thing is that you get horror stories afterwards. <3

Anyway. Hoping my story came out with more love than tough. I followed Goblin to this journal and you're a fun read, which is why I'm still watching.

[daiskmeliadorn.livejournal.com]

ah i know that kind of email/discussion oh too well... *sigh*

[phrasemuffin.livejournal.com]

I know I'm about three days late, but I wanted to say that you should never doubt yourself. You are one of the most intelligent people I know, and this thesis will come to you. I have faith in you, and you should too.

[(Anonymous)]

In truth I empathise. but in the interests of my image: Stop whining! I'll have to do it next year too, and at least you have boobies to keep you occupied. hehe, wobble wobble wobble. teehee. I want boobies. playing with your ribcage just isn't the same. XX, pix

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

...

thanks for that, ah, comforting thought, pixie...

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

don't mind our pixie, she's a little loopy...