Beowulf- Earning me tips

[highlyeccentric]

So, goblinpaladin and I set out, along with Awesome, Pixie and other most excellent members of Old English Reading Group (*waves* greetings Em, Hilbert), to see the much-bemoaned Zemekis/Gaiman/Avery movie that everyone has been going on about for the last month. Thanks to Richard Nokes, we had advance warning: this movie is aimed at people as dumb as Zemekis et al seem to think Anglo-Saxons were.
If you want proper reviews, check out the links I just posted- they take you to Dr Noke's comprehensive Beowulf-bashing carnival posts. I also recommend Gary Kamia's review, quoted by Dr Virago, from which the salient point is that "Beowulf" doesn't fail because it changes the story: It fails because it is so busy juicing up the story that it does not create a mythical universe. It seizes upon an ancient tale, whose invisible roots run deep into our psyches, and uses it to construct a shiny, plastic entertainment..

After seeing Beowulf, I feel all edumacated
I learnt LOTS of things. *nods*

*Fifth-century Danes LOOK like characters from Shrek and DRESS, but not consistently, like badly organised Romans.
*For some reason, unlike Romans, fith-century Danes haven't figured out that it is a good idea to wear a tunic under your chainmail. Thus, we get Beowulf Nudity. Presumably the fact that they haven't mastered the concept of under-tunics is responsible for Beowulf's shiny, nicely-waxed and oiled body (you'd think, after five days at sea, he'd be a bit stubbly, but no...). Can't have chest hair getting caught in your armour. No explanation has yet been offered for the lack of visible chafing as a result of wearing chainmail in a storm without a tunic.
*Faced with a group of Geats, you can tell which one the hero is, because he will look marginally less wooden than all of the others. He'll make up for it with wooden dialogue, though.
*Fifth-century Danish women are treated as chattel (please, someone send Gaiman a copy of Vicious Vikings, before Odd and the Frost Giants goes to print...).
*Also, unlike their men, fifth-century Danish women seem to be blessed with the amazing ability to get more realistic-looking as they get older.
*Only Evil, Slimy People advocate Christianity.
*Anglo-Saxons and/or Danes are all about the beer and violence and sex. (well... the first two, maybe. and i guess the third doesn't get written down much by monks... But, y'know, they were ALSO about honour and family and poetry and eloquence and stuff like that.)
*If, by some miracle of cinematic license, you should have a Norman stone mot and bailey in fifth-century Denmark, the sheer friction of anachronism will cause it to catch alight at the slightest provocation.

The dragon-fight was better than the one in Harry Potter Four, though.
And everyone note that lack of horned helmets. Points to them.

So what has Beowulf done for YOU lately?

I, at least, got something useful out of this... as I was polishing knives tonight, a happily tipsy couple come up to the till to pay their bill. They were debating whether or not to see the movie that had planned to see. My supervisor asked them what they were going to see.
Beee-owh-wolf, they informed us. Supervisor asked what it was about, and they seemed to have no idea. Should they see it or shouldn't they? Dither, dither.
I decided this was my time to step in and tell them they should DEFINITELY see something else. They seemed to like this advice, and gave us a nice credit card tip in return.

Comments

[zcat-abroad.livejournal.com]

I think that is a good summary of the movie. Did you see it in 3D? That was what made it worth watching, to me, as it was my first 3D movie. But even then parts were un-synchronised, and often only the main characters had had any work done on them. The pebbles on the beach, as they pulled the boat up, were perfect. I think some film IT guy must have done the pebbles as a project for some course, as that is the only reason I could see for spending that much energy on 3D-ing those, when the people were so badly done.

Parts I liked were:
- Grendel and his mother speaking 'olde Englishe' to each other. Okay, so it was largely fake OE, but it sounded good, and was mostly intelligible to non-OE reading viewers.
- The relationship between the bed-warmer and the wife towards the end. And it's possible that, as a peace-weaver, Hrothgar's wife (whose name I can't remember, and my Beowulf is in the other room, and I'm lazy) may not have been terribly happy in her marriage. Even if she was a force to reckon with at other times, while her husband was drinking and wenching, she probably would not have been very happy. (Though the women he was wenching with should be very careful about what they drink, possibly for the rest of their lives!)

Right, I'll stop now. I was glad to see it, as I may have to undo ideas presented in it when I teach the Old English paper next semester. I just hope my supervisor, who is teaching Beowulf in semester 2, doesn't have too much trouble caused by it...

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

no, we didn't see the 3D version- too many Anglo-Saxonists with glasses.

I couldn't understand the "eald Englisc" they were talking to each other! Hmph.

The bed-warmer/wife thing WAS a good moment, yes.

Haha. yes, that movie will probably cause no end of angst for teachers, particularly in places where more than four kids enrol in the course. Here, I doubt we'll have a problem, since only UBER-nerds even bother to enrol in medieval english courses.

[kayloulee.livejournal.com]

"...only UBER-nerds even bother to enrol in medieval english courses..."

Hey Highly, thanks for the compliment! And I mean that in a completely sincere and non-sarcastic way.

Hee, I referred to myself and my sister as nerds to my mother the other day and she was completely offended by it! Apparently being a nerd has negative connotations in my mum's mind - none in mine, though.

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

oh dear. explain to your mother that Geeks are the new cool (http://www.smh.com.au/news/relationships/geeks-rule-ok/2007/12/06/1196812927393.html)

[kayloulee.livejournal.com]

*cackles* Good idea. I don't think she gets the idea that by raising kids who would be willing and able to read every minute of every day, she has therefore set us up to be geeks/nerds/whatever and should rejoice (!).

Besides, being one of the Clone Barbie People? No thanks, I'll take a new PTerry book.

[daiskmeliadorn.livejournal.com]

tee hee! thanks for summarising the key points for me so i don't have to see the movie. this was a very informative read. :)

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

that's me, highlyeccentric, educating the masses about matters medieval.