Reasonable Advice For Foolish Characters
Nov. 9th, 2017 04:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
highlyeccentricI am definitely 100% not starting an Arthurian Sex Advice side project. This is an aberration.
Dear Lady Reason,
My husband I are happily married, and we live in a castle in the forest with our retainers and also an old crone named Morgan - long story. My husband and I have a very fulfilling sex life but sometimes, we both like a bit of variety. My husband is bisexual and I support him in that. Also we are both switches.
My problem is this: we have a young man staying with us that we are both very interested in. My husband has a deal with him where he stays at home (with me) while my husband goes hunting, and anything either of them ‘wins’ he swaps with the other one. I don’t know about you but I really enjoy being an object of exchange between two well-developed male characters, if you know what I mean!
But when I went to seduce the young man, I didn’t get anywhere. He was very deferential to me and my husband both so I started by proposing to tie him to the bed, but that didn’t get anywhere. Then I told him he could have his way with me, and that didn’t work either? I did get a kiss, but he seemed really weirded out by that too.
What am I doing wrong?
Sincerely,
Lady Lack
Dear Lady Lack - can I call you LL? Dear LL:
You know, I’m seeing a few obvious things missing from this story. Like: did you ask this young man if he wanted to join in your kinky wife-swapping games? Perhaps he thought he was going to win at chess, or jeopardy! Actually, have you mentioned to him at all that you and your husband have some sort of open relationship?
While we’re at it, I notice you proposed to tie him to the bed, and you told him to have his way with you, but you didn’t bother to ask him if he was into either of those things, or if he wanted to do them with you. Poor form, LL, poor form.
I suggest you start by apologising, and then try discussing things like adults.
Yours reasonably,
Lady Reason
Citation: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (14th c England). Jessie Weston's (out of date) translation can be read here, and Malory Ortberg's side-splittingly funny parody is here.
Dear Lady Reason,
My husband I are happily married, and we live in a castle in the forest with our retainers and also an old crone named Morgan - long story. My husband and I have a very fulfilling sex life but sometimes, we both like a bit of variety. My husband is bisexual and I support him in that. Also we are both switches.
My problem is this: we have a young man staying with us that we are both very interested in. My husband has a deal with him where he stays at home (with me) while my husband goes hunting, and anything either of them ‘wins’ he swaps with the other one. I don’t know about you but I really enjoy being an object of exchange between two well-developed male characters, if you know what I mean!
But when I went to seduce the young man, I didn’t get anywhere. He was very deferential to me and my husband both so I started by proposing to tie him to the bed, but that didn’t get anywhere. Then I told him he could have his way with me, and that didn’t work either? I did get a kiss, but he seemed really weirded out by that too.
What am I doing wrong?
Sincerely,
Lady Lack
Dear Lady Lack - can I call you LL? Dear LL:
You know, I’m seeing a few obvious things missing from this story. Like: did you ask this young man if he wanted to join in your kinky wife-swapping games? Perhaps he thought he was going to win at chess, or jeopardy! Actually, have you mentioned to him at all that you and your husband have some sort of open relationship?
While we’re at it, I notice you proposed to tie him to the bed, and you told him to have his way with you, but you didn’t bother to ask him if he was into either of those things, or if he wanted to do them with you. Poor form, LL, poor form.
I suggest you start by apologising, and then try discussing things like adults.
Yours reasonably,
Lady Reason
Citation: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (14th c England). Jessie Weston's (out of date) translation can be read here, and Malory Ortberg's side-splittingly funny parody is here.