The Tale of Heloise and Abelard, somewhat sensationalised- Part One

[highlyeccentric]

There once was an up-and-coming scholar named Peter Abelard. So smart was he, and so outrageously arrogant, that wherever he went he could not stand to learn from the masters of the universities of France, but instead set himself up across the road as their rival. The darling of the Paris intelligentsia, he thought he was. And then one day he woke up and it occured to him:

I, Peter Abelard, am a very chaste man. Which is the ideal thing in a cleric and philospher, even one who isn't a priest. Yes, I, Peter Abelard, am extraordinarily virtuous. I don't visit paid ladies. I don't even talk to women- I spend my time in philosophical contemplation, I don't go to the kind of social gatherings where you meet women.

However, it occurs to me that I would like a girlfriend. A little hanky-panky on the side. I'm so amazingly smart that it could hardly destroy my ability to teach or learn.

I wonder what kind of woman I could cavort with? She'd have to be smart, to keep up with me. But not too old- young enough to be impressed by my superior wisdom.

Heloise, the neice of Fulbert. She'd be perfect. I hear she exceeds all other women in Latin literacy- so naturally she'd exceed all other women in appreciating my philosophical discourse.

So having set his sights upon 'that child', Peter Abelard goes to pay a call upon Fulbert. He's sick of paying people to keep house for him, he tells Fulbert. And it's well known in Paris that Fulbert likes to make a little money here and there. And then there's Heloise- surely the girl could benefit from such an esteemed tutor.
Yes, indeed, thinks Fulbert. A little extra cash could always come in handy, and Heloise is getting to that age where she'll be starting to think of men and fripperies and how is a bachelor supposed to keep her under control? A serious tutor might be just the thing to keep her occupied. And this Abelard fellow is known to be extremely chaste, there should be no problem with trusting him. Absolutely, Mr Abelard. Heloise is a good girl, but you know how young people are. Don't be afraid to chastise her- she thinks she's the smartest girl around. Needs a firm masculine hand, someone who'll bend her to his will. When can you move in?

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What will happen next? Tune in to Highly TV next week to find out!

Comments

[mangelbojangel.livejournal.com]

Seriously, we really should make some TV out of this... it's great!

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

I'll write the script, David can direct and you can be our star. All we need now is someone to play Heloise...

[uberspiral.livejournal.com]

Found this from thiel's daily saint journal... I just want to say that if this were a film, I'd love to play Heloïse! I love their story...

[highlyeccentric.livejournal.com]

:) I like Heloise, but Abelard is an arrogant piece of work. Don't like *him* one bit.

Stick around, if you like, and as my procrastination grows more overwhelming you can expect further entries to appear recounting the Amourous Adventures of Abelard the Arrogant Academic (keeping universities immorral since 1115)
I might have to stoop to making fun of Heloise, though, in the spirit of satire...