But this time is good too...

So, last time I was in Sydney I stole the Goblin's copy of 'Bring Me The Head of Prince Charming', by Roger Zelazny and Robert Checkley. It is a truly highlarious read, from its vain demon protaganist, Azzie Elbub, to the decidedly effete Prince Charming and the bratty Napping Princess, with guest appearances by sickeningly sweet angels, sexy witches, and a lecherous Santa Claus.

Its basic premise is best summed up by the jacket blurb:

People feared, back in the Middle Ages, that the world would end with the millenium. Nor were they incorrect. It does this every millennium, only nobody notices- except for the Forces of Good and Evil who vie for control of the universe every thousand years. Bring Me The Head of Prince Charming concerns the efforts of one Azzie Elbub, demon, to mind the Millennial Evil Deeds award for the year 1000...

Having established this, I present to you the conversation between Azzie Elbub, recently restored to Earth, and Hermes Trismegistus, patron saint of alchemists, and formerly a member of the Greek pantheon.

Beginning with Azzie:

'...Perhaps you could just fill me in on what's been going on since Caligula.'

'Well, in brief, the Roman thing collapsed under barbarian invasions and lead poisoning. The barbarians are all about now. They call themselves Franks and Saxons and Visigoths. They have formed an empire which they call the Holy Roman Empire.'

'Holy?' Azzie asked.

'That's what they call it. I don't know why.'

'But how did the Roman Empire fall?'

'You can look it up in any history,' Hermes said. 'Just take my word; it fell, and that was the end of the Classical Age. The period we are in now is called- or will be, shortly after it's over- the Middle Ages. You just missed the Dark Ages. We had some fun then, I promise you! But this time is good, too.'

In other words, this is not the book to turn to for historical accuracy. Or even for deep character development. For good laughs, twisted fairytales, snide remarks, and a goat, this IS the sort of book you want.

An Obituary to Noun Declensions

It is with great regret that we reflect today upon the passing of cases from the English language. For many years they served tirelessly in the interests of grammar, indicating noun functions right throughout the Anglo-Saxon period. Not content to rest on their laurels, the cases put in some part-time work for Middle English, and can still be found declining a few solitary nouns (mouse, mice, anyone?), and defending their ground on pronouns, despite the iron rule of word order over their former territory.
While acknowledging the straightforward benefits of strict word order in day-to-day communication, we, the League of Grammar Nerds, would like to express our heartfelt thanks to grammatical cases for the flexibility they bestowed upon this language, and our great nostalgia for the lost era when it was a immeasurably less wanky to say 'I thine eyne adore', and many things more complicated.

( hence follows a brief summary of Baker's Chapter Four )

I suspect case was probably a lot more fun to use than it is to untangle from a nasty sentence in translation.