Now, in this world of ours, there are many ways in which people are known to express themselves. At university, in particular, you can find such expression all over the place. From electoral gems such as 'Kok on Board', to the religious slogan of your choice, in posters and in chalk, from the Graffiti Tunnel to the Five Minute Rant Before Lectures, people are out there making their feelings known, letting you know just how it is they see the world.
It is on Tshirts that I wish to focus today. Tshirts, as we all know, are ubiquitous in the Western World today, and of consideral popularity in other places to boot. Tshirts (ably assisted by jumpers, hats and even jeans) are not just clothing anymore. Oh no. Your body is a billboard, and your choice of clothing is of prime importance.
First and foremost, there are tribal loyalties. The tribe of Metal Mulisha, for example, is adhered to by delinquents of all ages and descriptions. There is the Tribe of Jay Jays, distinguishable by Tshirts of a similar level of cruidity and cheapness. This tribe are particularly versatile, providing for their members options of expression from the Dickhead Supreme ("Sex Instructor, First Lesson Free"), to Amusing Toilet Humour (two squirrels, saying: "you look good with your nuts in your mouth"), to the Totally Obscure ("Cheat the Angels of Anarchy!"). They are also particularly sneaky, for their Tshirts can easily be mistaken for those of any number of clothing manufacturers who specialise in Propositions By Tshirt.
On campus, these broader loyalties may of course be discerned. Yet there are more localised tribes dominating the Tshirt scene. Most obviously, there are those who chose to proclaim their academic snobbery loyalties with jumpers, cardigans, tshirts, and very small gym shorts emblazoned with 'Sydney University'.
There are those who would declare their noble passion for the SRC, or the Union, or their (now somewhat pointless) desire to 'STOP VSU!'. You can find virulent hordes enthusiastic adherents sporting publicity for everything from the-year-before-last's Union election to any number of religious societies.
One might express genteel distaste (for what, i ask?) with the DarcySoc ("I am MOST SERIOUSLY displeased!"), advertise the therapeutic benefits of ice cream with the Inner Child Society, or demonstrate a touching enthusiasm for your particular enclave of upper-class clannishness with jerseys, sock and sporting tshirts (sometimes known as "College Spirit", this is regarded as utterly irrelevant by the rest of the university, but is of considerably more importance to its enthusiasts than anything as plebian as studying).
But go thou beyond this cliquish identification, and you find things far more profound. From maxims to live by ("One Must Never Let Vanity Overrule Appetite"), to biology ("MAD COW BEATS CRAZY FROG!"), to the nature of the universe ("History Repeats Itself..." and on the back "History repeating itself..."), you can find truths of every variety on Tshirts. There is the utterly inexplicable: "BIZZARE MUST AWESOME WANT". There is wise advice: "Think Before You Speak" (thoughtfully upside down, so that the wearer can more easily remember it). There are personal statements: "I LOVE SLEEPING!" (with accompanying pictures), and challenges to humanity: "Start a revolution in your bed!".
There are Tshirts which cause you, in a moment of total existential uncertainty, to question everything you know. Why, just today, I saw a yellow Tshirt with a large red rabbit silhoutte on the front. In big yellow letters within the rabbit, there was the word "PIG!" Nothing, declares this Tshirt, is what it seems. What, it asks, do we believe more readily- what we read or what we see? Is it, in fact, a pig? Does a rabbit by any other name still breed as prolifically?
All this makes me wonder- what does my wardrobe say about me? Well, not much, as a matter of fact. The lack of slogan-bearing Tshirts in my wardrobe seems to indicate I am entirely bereft of personality. But I may yet be saved. If one examines the five tshirts I own which bear some logo, what might this tell you? It is quite clear to me, from a survey of these items, that I have spent far too long in the Uniting Church. And considerably too much money on conventions thereof.
Perhaps, in veiw of the monotony of my statements by Tshirt, I ought to reconsider my wardrobe (an excellent excuse to go shopping). What great enlightenment might I offer this world through my clothing? I have considered this before, and I am merely waiting for an opportunity to aquire a Tshirt which reads "Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe". Then I too, might go forth around this university, this malestrom of personal expression, with the sum of my personality emblazoned on my chest for all to see.
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